Once upon a dream
by magaly05
Summary: I try to stop myself but I stepped inside and closed the door behind me… there's no turning back now. Inu/Kags rated M. just to be on the safe side
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Im sorry to the guys that read my fics, I have had a really difficult time this last past month. I will try to update my other stories as soon as I get a chance, anyway enough talking on with the story. Most likely not one of my best, but let me know. As usual please read and review.**

**Once upon a Dream**

I open the heavy mahogany door to the dark cool room, and take a deep breath. Only a small amount of moon light creeps through the heavy curtains illuminates the room, providing just enough silver lighting to confirm that the room is not empty. My heart begins to race as I see the outline of man move in the shadows; I instinctively step back into the safety of the well lit hallway. No sooner had I done that when I heard a low growl coming from the dark silhouette standing in the corner of the room. _I guess there is no turning back now_. I cautiously step back toward the shadows. I can almost see him smirking, he knows the power he has over me; I wouldn't have actually left but he growled to make sure I knew who was in control, he's always in control.

As he leisurely steps closer to the window the moonlight bathes him making his skin appear almost as silver as his hair, the only thing more captivating than his porcelain skin are those amber eyes; they set me ablaze. I have to break eye contact or else he will look straight into my soul. Another growl makes me reconnect with molten honey, and I hate the way my skin seems to automatically react to his look. It's like I have no self control when he is around, and he inundates himself in that small pleasure.

With shaking hands I reach over for the light switch.

"Leave it off." His voice is so demanding, strong, possessive, and yet at the same time it's laced with euphoria. Automatically my hand retracts from the present action, and my heart skips a beat at the sound of his strong voice. _"How did I end up here anyway? I had told myself… this was over."_

…

You see, the hanyou in the corner is Inuyasha; he hasn't talked to me in over a month. We had something going on, not anything official but I liked it, then one day he pulled away and I let him go. It was really difficult at first; it was like trying to live without any air. We went from talking and texting twenty times a day, to cutting down to once or twice a every two weeks. So yea, dire. It was like kicking a really strong addiction, he was my one and only habit. Everything about him fascinated me, his eyes, his perfect skin, and his sweet kisses; he always kept me coming back for more.

Yet a couple hours ago, while online my instant-messenger Inuyasha sent me a message. A simple "Can I call you?" turned my now tranquil world upside down. No need to state that my answer to that was a "If you want." Two seconds later I had my phone was adorned with his phone number and his picture, for a second I hesitated but I answered anyway, I know he doesn't like to be kept waiting. We talked for a couple hours, and he invited me over to his down town apartment.

And now here I am, standing in a dark apartment, with a shirtless hanyou. I shouldn't be here and I know that, soon it will go back to the way it was a month ago, but I'm not sure I can pass up this opportunity. My heart starts racing, and my breath is shortened. I try to stop myself but I stepped inside and closed the door behind me… there's no turning back now.


	2. Beautiful Nightmare

**A/N: Didn't think people would like this story, but I did get a few reviews and several PMs so I decided to continue the story. There will probably one be one more chapter to this story. ENJOY! As always please read and review.**

**Chapter 2 Beautiful Nightmare**

I give my back to him as I turn to lock the door, and within seconds I feel his hot humid breath at the back of my neck, chills run up my spine and my whole body feels warm. Closing my eyes I instinctively expose my neck to him, and he whispers as he kisses it. All the noises of the city seem to fade, all I can hear is my heart beat steadily increasing and his breaths becoming more jagged.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you Kagome." His voice makes my body tremble, his touch makes my soul sing.

_But I do. I know exactly how much he missed me, because that's how much I miss him. His touch. His kisses. His body. Every part of him._

I feel my entire body go ablaze as I feel his sweet lips touch my sensitive skin. Nothing else matters anymore, my senses are clouded by him, everything that is him. By the time I realize what's going on he already succeeded in unbuttoning my blouse. He abruptly turned me around, leaned me against the door and pushed his body onto me and I can't restrain the need to kiss him. His kisses are like sweet poison and I just can't get enough of them. I run my hands through the silver strands and I lightly tug on it making him kiss me more passionately. His eyes tint red. I can feel his hands all over my body, like he is everywhere at the same time, and I know he won't want to stop now, not that I could stop. As he touches me my skin seems to catch fire. He picks me up, I wrap my legs around his waist no breaking our kiss for a second, and he takes me into his bedroom and even though I know I will regret this in the morning there is no way I could object.

So just for tonight I will let my thoughts and fears leave me and just enjoy feeling alive. No one makes me feel the way he does, every inch of me burns with desire for him. With love for him, I don't know how else to describe what I feel other than love. Every time I see him, it's like nothing in the world matters anymore, no one else exists. He makes me feel like the only woman in the world. I can't help but smile when I think of him; I know it's just an illusion, a wonderful fantasy that will disappear the same way night fades at dawn. When I'm with him I am the happiest I have ever been. How I wish I could feel this way forever. Forever, what a funny word considering it means; without ever ending, or eternity, nothing is ever forever. Forever that's what he promised me.

-Sigh- Won't happen, can't happen.

But when I'm with him everything is like a sweet dream, he is my one and only guilty pleasure. Sweeter than honey and more necessary than breathing, so for tonight, just for tonight I will let myself indulge. The passion between us is raw, he consumes my thoughts, his touch engulfs me, and his kisses control me. I pray for morning to be delayed, because I know that the break of dawn will be the break of this beautiful nightmare.

Morning come way to quick, and I'm awaken by an unfamiliar ringtone…


	3. Rude Awakening

**Chapter 3 Rude Awakening**

I feeling the warmness of his body leave my side, I stir out of my sleep, then hear a low whisper. I stay perfectly still.

"Hey babe. No I didn't forget. I will try to be there. I love you too. Bye."

I feel a knot tighten in my stomach because I know exactly who he is whispering to. I feel sick. It's the 'I love yous' that maim the most. The air leaves my lungs and I can't seem to inhale, I feel a warm tear roll down my face. This is where the beauty ends and the nightmare begins.

The cool morning air dries the tear on my face, suddenly the blanket that had kept me warm seems to imprison me. I want to run. My heart starts to race, its hard to breath, and there's sorrow in my soul. I can't do this anymore.

I turn to see him sitting at the edge of the bed, he has his head in his hands and I wonder if he's feeling the same way I am. He turns to see me and smiles. I guess not. He comes back to bed, holds me close and I melt; the same way I always do. It never fails.

"Good morning baby." He kisses me and for a second nothing matters. For a minute, just for a minute.... I'm happy.

I get up and start to gather my scattered clothes as he leisurely lays in bed wearing nothing but his arrogant smile. He's like a beautiful greek god laying there; the morning sun comes in the thin curtains making him look almost angelic.

"Come back to bed Kagome."

"I can't, I have somewhere to be... and apparently, so do you." I try to keep the disappointment out of my voice.

I mean I should be used to it, it's been the same way for over a year, but pain never ceases to exist. He pulls me back to bed, and I can't seem to fight him. No surprise there... I can never say no to him. This is why I can never go away, when I'm with him nothing feels wrong.

"What's so important that you have to leave without a proper good-bye?" He holds me close and I can't help but feel safe in his arms.

I break the trance like state that he seems to always put me in, "Kouga wants me to go see his new apartment." And I need to get away from you, because you will be the end of my sanity.

" Keh, I can't believe you're talking to his sorry ass, it's not like he's better than me. Is he?" He kept the expression on his face nonchalant, but I know it kind of bothered him. I can hear it in his voice, irritation, to think I could be with another man.

"Are you gonna cancel on Kikyo?" I try to keep my voice neutral, the last thing I want to do is sound needy. I tried to get out of bed, but I wasn't going to get away that easily. He pulled be back and turned my face towards him.

"Is he better than me?" That turned into a growl midway.

I had started talking to a really nice guy, Kouga, in the time that Inuyasha set me aside. Apparently Kouga didn't sit well with Inuyasha, and so from the moment he learned of my friendship with him, he has been wanting me to stop talking to the Kouga. I don't see the need to end a friendship just because Inuyasha disapproves of it.

"He's just a friend, Inu." I turn away quickly and once again try to get my clothing together.

"Keh, not by his choice I'm sure." Right now he sounds like a little kid that doesn't want to share his favorite toy. "Then.... blow him off. Tell him something came up, and stay here with me." Tempting, very tempting, but I can't cancel on Kouga.

Yes I know what is going through your head right now, what the hell are you thinking? And I wish I had good answer, but all I can say is that he completes me. He is the moon to my night, the sun to my dawn, the flame to my fire; he is the one for me, but I'm not his one and only.

Let me explain something to you, see Inuyasha has been with Kikyo for three years; long before I ever met Inuyasha. Go ahead judge me if you must, I would if I were you. But you just don't understand, you can't even begin to comprehend the feelings we have. Well lately the feelings that I have. He makes me feel euphoria. He's my creed and my sin, my secret desire, my beautiful nightmare. I have never been more alive than when I met him, and I have never felt more numb than when I'm not around him. It's complicated. This wasn't supposed to happen, I met Inuyasha during a dark part of my life and he saved me, and I like to believe that I saved him. Now I can't seem to leave him behind, yet I know in the end something is going to end.

"If he's just a friend... then stay with me today." There it was, his selfishness has that characterizes him has show itself. "Baby, stay with me. I've missed you so much, I need you more than the air I breath. Don't tell you didn't miss me." He caresses my face and he evicts what little is left of my sanity.

"I can't."

"Keh, why the hell not?" He holds me close.

"Tell you what, how about I come back tonight?"

It will end… but not tonight.


	4. Disquieting Daydream

**A/N: I apologize for not updating any soon... life has gotten in my way as of late. Oh well I hope you enjoy. As always please R&R, if you have any ideas feel free to let me know =)**

**Disquieting Daydream**

Very much to Inuyashas' disappointment, I get dressed and I'm out the door within fifteen minutes sealing my fate. Once in the safety of the hallway I try to decipher what I had been thinking less than a half hour earlier.

_"...how about I come back tonight?"_ _What the fuck where you thinking Kagome? Thinking, ha! I wasn't that's what happened. This is the stupidest thing you have done... well last night is right up there too... but this, this tops it. _

I exit the building as fast as possible; not only because I can't risk anyone seeing me here, but also because I need to get away from him. He intoxicates me and I can never thing straight when he is near. The argument with myself is quickly stopped by my cell phone ringing. I open it to a notification of a text message.

_**~Midnight.~ **_

Never before has one word made me cringe and my heart stop, filled me with hope and dread simultaneously. I don't need to read who it's from, because... I know who it is. I can almost hear the tone of voice demanding, commanding,.. I know I should just say no to him, but that text was not a request or a suggestion.

As wrong as it is and as bad as it sounds, I need him now as much as ever. I was dead until he found me, I'm empty without him, my mind craves him and my body yearns for him. At the same time never before have I _needed_ to get away from him as much as I do at this very point in my life; I have to end this. I know that if I don't leave him behind now, I never will.

I close my black and silver cell phone and place it into the back pocket of my blue jeans, and inhale the cool morning air as I try to clear my mind. I climb into my silver Grand Am, and drive off, trying not to think of anything.

A shower and a cup of coffee later, I'm starting to feel a little better. My phone starts to vibrate making the entire table shake a bit, waking me from my present state of daydream. I pick it up and the vibrations tickle the palm of my hand and I glance at the name on the little screen.

~Kouga~

"_Hello?"_

_"Kaggie, how are you love?"_

_"I'm doing good."_

_"You are still coming over tonight, right?"_

_"Yea. Most definitely." _

_"How is seven?"_

_"Sounds good. See you then."_

_"Ok, see you then."_

My phone conversations with Kouga don't usually last long, but every time we talk he makes me feel cared for.

…

Seven came around quickly, I found myself standing outside an unfamiliar door. With a quick glance at the piece of notebook paper that I have been holding in my hand for the past three minutes, I confirm the address for what seems like the millionth time.

The wind is cool, I pull the black sweater tighter to my body, and as I reach for the door bell, the door opens. I am greeted by a casually dressed tall handsome man, with eyes like emeralds. His smile radiates warmth like the sun.

"Figured I'd open the door before you freeze to death out here." His smirk makes me blush.

"Oh, so you knew I was out here?" I try to hide my blush.

"I could smell you the second you arrived, but I didn't think you were just going to stand out here."

He invites me in; I surprise myself with my lack of hesitation as I enter his apartment.

…

Soon we're laughing and talking; one hour turns to two, then three, before I know it it's past midnight, and I'm standing at his door.

"Are you sure you don't want to spend the night here, I hate it that you have to drive at night." His concern never ceases to amaze me.

"You mean like a sleepover?" I can't help but giggle when his eyes seem to light up at the thought. "Sounds like fun, but I really can't." he seems disappointed but says nothing to stop my departure.

We say our good-byes and I get into my car. I glance at my cell phone; the light is blinking red clearly indicating that _someone_ has been trying to reach me.

–sigh- _Better check what the damage is._

Opening my flip phone I read the notice and I have to admit I was kind of surprised at the notice. Only three text messages.

_12:01 Inu: Where are you?_

_12:30 Inu: Waiting…_

_12:45 Inu: Forget it then._

-sigh- For a split second I consider racing over to his apartment and making up an excuse as to why I'm so late. Yet for my own sake and sanity, I push that thought out of my mind and drive home.

I arrive at my apartment at 1:15 am, open the door and step into my sanctuary; breathing a sigh of relief I lock the door behind me. That had to have been the longest ride of my life. I turn and walk into my living room, setting my keys in the little bowl that rest atop of my light brown coffee table. No sooner do I do this when I hear a very familiar voice.

"'Bout fucking time you got home."


	5. Absolute Illusion

**A/N: Ok here is the last chapter of this story. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. **

I nearly jumped when I heard his voice.

"You almost gave me a heart-attack Yasha" I hold my hand to my chest trying to calm my racing heart.

He rises from his present position on the couch. "Well maybe if you would have kept your promise I wouldn't of had to come over this late."

"I'm sorry, I… I got side tracked." I try not to smile at the irritation in his voice.

"Doing?"

"Talking." I start to cross the living room to make it to my bedroom, but before I reach the door knob I feel his arms around my waist.

Leaning close he whispers in my ear. "ONLY talking?" Making me melt the way only he can. I was hoping to avoid his touch and keep my sense.

"Yes. Just talking. I'm sorry I didn't go over. I'm really tired can we go to sleep?" I'm hoping to fall asleep before my body betrays my mind. I can't do this anymore… I love him so much, but I know it won't last… and my heart will break when he leaves me.

"Sleep? I'm not ever tried…" His voice is laced with lust; his hands start to explore my body.

Before I have a chance to react he turns me around and captures my mouth with his. Managing to end my sanity in one swift move, I get lost in the fairytale that he creates with his candied kisses. Every time I enter this illusion I don't want to wake up from it,… he clouds my mind, one more night; one more night before I awake from this beautiful nightmare.

I let him take me by the hand into that world were I'm his one and only, I let him take me into a sweet dream. His presence surrounds me, his scent engulfs me, his love consumes me and obliterates the remorse that I feel. In this world I am safe and his love belongs only to me.

He breaks our kiss only when air is becomes essential; his hunger is raw and my body reacts his every touch. I can no longer fight the need for him, so I willingly yield to his desires. His kisses seem to burn my skin; with every caress he seems to etch his name on my heart as if to make sure that I never forget who it belongs to.

…

As I lay in his arms tying to will sleep to take over me, I cannot get rid of the troublesome thought that I cannot do this anymore. My heart sings every time we allow our love to materialize, and yet lately after the act my nights seem longer. My heart yearns for more than the physical aspect of things. I want to be able to wake up next to him knowing that he is my one and only, and only mine. It might seem selfish but I don't think I can share him anymore, if he cannot be only mine… then maybe we should be nothing. I need to move on before my heart shatters into so many pieces that I cannot put it back together.

With a heavy heart I place a kiss upon his lips and slide out of his embrace and quietly move around the room, putting some stuff in a bag.

I sit at the edge of the bed; after what seem like hours I reach to turn on the bed side lamp and grab a piece of paper and a pen from the side table. I take a deep breathe as I take a look at the peaceful man sleeping behind me, his image seems to burn into my memory. Suddenly it gets harder for me to breath, but I hold back the tears that threaten me with breaking my will. Pen meets paper and my pain seems to recede… if only for a minute.

_My Dearest Inuyasha,_

_I was wondering when it was that I started to feel this way, and I've realized that it was from the start. There is just too much distance between us, and the pain overwhelms me with every breath I breathe. Your arms still make me feel safe, but not like before; I wonder if you feel the same way. I know I will never fill the void that your love will leave, but at least I will no longer have the poison of your other life consuming my every thought. It's getting so difficult to even recall the beauty of us that we once had. I've realized that life is short… without you my nights will be cold…but I can no longer breath when I am next to you. No matter how much I love you, I will never be the only one in your life; you will always hold a special place in my heart… but I have to leave you in the past. I will no longer hold you back from the happy ending that you deserve. So while you were sleeping, I decided that tonight is the night that I need to move on, I will never forget you but… don't look for me…I won't look back,… don't wait for me… I won't come back._

_Loving you always,_

_Kagome_

The pen shakes in my hand as I finish the note, and I can no longer hold back my tears. I look over my shoulder to make sure that he is still sleeping, for some reason he looks more beautiful than usual. My chest tightens with the pain that I feel inside, my heart is breaking. I need him more than the air that is jaggedly filling my lungs, but I will not hold him back anymore.

I grab the bag I packed before I sat down to write the note, and walk toward my bedroom door giving him one last glance before closing the door behind me.

…

I arrive at the motel where I will be spending time before I decide where to go. Sitting at the edge of the bed my body and mind feel numb, but I will not turn back now. I finally took a step away from the beautiful nightmare that he created for me, the universe that he so patiently shaped so that I would never want to leave. And I wanted to stay… you have no idea how bad I just wanted to block out the fact that he didn't belong to me, and just stay safe and warm.

Suddenly I feel the desperate need to take a shower, I can still smell him on me, feel him. I close my eyes and only see him.

After the shower, I open my cell phone and send a text message. I try to inhale but it feels like my heart is in my throat, trying to punish me for ignoring how it feels. I'm startled as my cell phone rings, after picking it up I see the name on the screen.

~Yasha~

I guess he woke up already.

*Ignore*

A text message comes in.

~Kagome, don't do this. Come back please.~

Before I can even think of responding there is a knock on the door. On my way to answer the door, I turn off my cell phone; I hesitantly throw it in the trash.

As I open the door a very concerned wolf-demon stands in the cool night air, searching my eyes for answers.

"I want to start my life over."

Answering my silent pleas, he holds me. He knows I'm choosing him to start it with. His arms are something so far away from the place that makes me feel safe, but maybe one day they will feel like the place I belong.

I close my eyes.

_You will never know how much I really love you Inuyasha; how much it kills me to leave you… but maybe one day while you are sleeping… we can have our happy ending… once upon a dream… _

~THE END~

**A/N: Ok. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW and let me know if you guys liked it =D**


	6. AN: May continue

**A/N:** Ok so i reread this story and i fell inlove with it again. Im going to keep going with it. Let me know what you think, if i should continue it or if you have suggestions those are always welcome as well. =) thanks for reading


	7. Spellbinding Dream

**A/N: Okay so here is what I came up with, let me know what you think...**

**Chapter 5 Spellbinding Daydream**

It's been a week since I walked out of the cozy, warm, safe place next to Inuyasha. My world is now dark and cold, it seems the more I try to snap out of it, the more I seem to spiral towards this eternal abiss. It feels like I left my hear behind when I walked out of that bedroom.

What hurts the most is when I'm alone, and I start to think about what could have been...all the If's.

If I had been enough for him...

If I had been the only one for him as he was for me...

I don't know, sometimes I think I'm a masochist, maybe it's because I would rather feel the pain of walking away then the eternal nothingness that consumes me now. Or maybe it's because no matter how much I said I hated being the other person in his life...being second best was always better than not being In his life at all. Even if I said I wanted to run away...I never really wanted actually to get away. And now that I have, I can't seem to live with myself.

I have to admit to myself that there have been a couple of times where I hope to run into him, sick isn't it? I guess I'm hoping that would give me an excuse to see how he is taking it.

Is he as upset as I am?

Did his world turn upside down like mine?

Does he miss me as much as I miss him?

Does he feel like he's suffocating when he thinks about me, the same way I do?

There are days every now and then when I pretend that I'm okay, when I try dealing with the pain. When I fake a smile and try to push him out of my mind...but those days are few.

Kouga has been loving, caring and he understands that it's going to take time for me to get back to my old self. I told him everything that happened, I don't know why. Maybe it was in hopes that he would leave me...I don't deserve him, I'm sick and I should be alone. But he never even flinched, all he said was that he had a feeling about me and Inu. Sometimes his devotion for me, makes my heart ache to not be able to care for him as much as he cares for me, but I will try harder. I know it's ridiculous to expect myself to care about Kouga in such a short amount of time. It's only been a little more than a week, but it seems like a lifetime since I've heard Inuyasha's voice. Since I've had his arms around me, since I've felt complete. In a couple of days I'm going back to work, I need something to distract me...so I can keep what's left of my sanity.

The door knob turning makes me look towards the entrance of my...our new apartment. I have to say leaving the old place behind was difficult but the best idea. There were just too many memories tied down to that apartment, I didn't even go get the rest of my things. I hired a couple of people to do that for me, they told me that for the first couple of trips there had been notes at my door...notes that I haven't read. But as sick as I am, I still kept them...in a box in my closet, maybe one day I'll be strong enough to read them without wanting to run back to him.

Just the thought, makes my want to cry. I have to tear down my entire world, the world that Inuyasha patiently built for me... I have to tear it down and create a new one, piece by piece.

I try to smile at Kouga as he comes in and hugs me like he does everyday, but today he hesitates before letting go of me. At first I think he was just able to see through my fake smile today...but that's not it.

"Is everything okay?" I don't like the look on his face.

"Yea...Its just...never mind." He tries to force a smile on his face, which only manages to confuses me even more.

"What is it?" I have to admit that this time I couldn't hide the slight panic in my voice.

"I'm sure its nothing...its just your scent...its different." 

**A/N: So how was that for a continuance...as always read and review**


	8. Neverending Dream

**A/N: For all my loyal readers, sorry for that cliffy hope this makes up for it. Happy reading.**

**Chapter 7. Never Ending Dream**

I'm taken aback by his statement. "What do you mean?"

As childish as it may seem, I can't stop myself from twirling a strand of hair between my fingers as I wait for him to elaborate on his statement for me. Judging by the expression that now graces his handsome features and the pain that seems to invade his kind eyes, it's not something I should be excited about. The heavy feeling in the room makes my head spin with anticipation.

"Your scent it's just different."

Slowly and deliberately he releases me careful to conceal his wounded eyes from me, this only manages to put me even more on edge.

"Kouga…what do you mean by that?" I can feel my heart in my throat; I need him to just spit it out already.

I know he knows something but he's not telling me and the anticipation is about to drive me off the edge of my sanity. I'm already holding on by a thin thread.

He turns away from me and I see him take a deep breath.

"I can smell him on you, Kagome." He takes another breath, it almost seems like he's gathering courage before he can continue.

"His scent is faint but it's there… have you gone to see him today?" He turns to me and for a second I think I hear hope in his question. I cannot comprehend why there would be hope behind such a question. And if there is, is he hoping I didn't, or hoping I did.

I bite my bottom lip as I prepare to answer and he finally locks his eyes with mine, this time there's no question about it there's hope in his eyes; his beautiful emerald eyes… are glistening with hope ever so slightly in the dim lighting of the apartment.

"No." I don't know if that's the answer he is hoping to hear…but it's the truth so I'm not about to lie about seeing Inuyasha, especially when I haven't.

The gleam of hope in his eyes is gone.

He runs his hand through his hair nervously and now I know what answer he wanted to hear. He looks down and his shoulders slump ever so slightly.

"That's what I was afraid of..."

That's when the abrupt comprehension hits me like a ton of bricks, and I feel my heart stop. My world, hell my sanity, had all been on a fragile, delicate balance and now this. I don't know if I can do this, the unfiltered truth is too much for me to handle.

Suddenly the room seems to close in on me, the air seems to leave my lungs and I feel my throat go dry. No matter how much I try, I can't seem to inhale enough oxygen to replenish my lungs; I lean on the wall to keep myself from falling as I feel like my world being demolished from the inside. All of a sudden I hear someone crying, desperately crying, and I'm startled.

_NO! NO! NO! OH KAMI PLEASE NO! This can't be happening…not now please!_

In an instant Kouga is by my side holding me so I don't lose my balance. He holds me close, but it's not like the hugs that I crave…that I need. I feel him wipe tears from my face that's when I understand that the person crying so frantically was me.

"It's okay Kagome…" He holds me and tries to comfort me. "It's going to be okay."

I know it's selfish but no matter how horrible it sounds…at this moment the only person that could comfort me right now is Inuyasha.

In an instant the hardwood floor vanishes beneath me as Kouga carries me to my bed. I'm half expecting to feel the softness of my comforter but that never comes instead he holds me on his lap, like a toddler who just fell and needs to be coddled. He does his best to calm me down holding me to his chest, never in the small amount of time that we've been together have we been so intimate before. He begins to rock me slowly and rub small circles on my back; I know he's trying to help, and yet my body seems to scream at me for letting him get so close. I don't have the strength to ask him to let me lay down; the abrupt fatigue that consumes my body is too much to ignore. My eyes close and I'm enveloped in a warmth, it's so different than the warmth previously provided by Inuyasha, not bad…just different.

As sleep claims me, I hear Kouga's voice but it somehow seems like it's coming from a place miles away…

"It'll be okay, Kaggy…everything will be just fine. We'll figure this out tomorrow."

**A/N: Okay so how was that? **

**So I was thinking of writing a second part to this story, not another sequel…more like the story but in Inuyashas point of view. What do you guys think? **

**Chachi says it might be a little too much, but wouldn't you guys like to know what's going on with Inu while all this is happening?**

**Well you guys let me know if it's something that you would be interested in reading. If it's a bad idea let me know I promise my feelings won't be hurt =)**

**As always read and review. Let me know how I'm doing. =)**


	9. Another AN

**A/N: For all my loyal readers that wanted Inuyashas point of view, Chapter One is up. Here's the link**

**http:/ fan fiction .net / s / 7174355 / 1 / You_Only_Dream_Once**

**The link ofcourse with out the spaces**

**Or you can find it through my stories: You Only Dream Once**

**Happy Reading, Hope you like it**


	10. A New Dream?

It's been a couple of weeks since the day Kouga noticed the scent…his scent, and I have since confirmed it… I'm pregnant. At first I thought this would be the end of me, and maybe even a punishment for not leaving Inuyasha from the beginning when I knew that being with him was wrong. But I love him, always have, and now more than ever I don't think that's ever going to change. Even after I had the courage to admit it to myself, the word itself seemed really hard to swallow, and even now it kind of seems to have a bittersweet taste in my mouth. Not because I don't accept the fact that I have a precious being growing inside me, but because well the one person that I want to disclose this information to is the one person I can't tell.

Actually if I can be completely honest with you… my outlook on this has changed. I no longer see it as a tragedy, now it's more like a gift. I get to keep a little piece of Inuyasha that's all my own, to remember him forever, to prove…at least to myself that what we once had actually existed. I didn't imagine it, it was concrete…we were real and our love was tangible. And please excuse me if I start sounding a little or completely insane…but I'm trying to make sense of this as best as I can. This isn't easy for me, for the first time in years I decide to walk away from Inuyasha, try to do the right thing and now I am forever tied to him.

Does it make me sick to still want him… need him, to wish I could see him, but if I did…would he run away from this?

If he didn't would he stay with me because he loves me or because he feels like he has to?

See my dilemma?

So I have decided not to tell him. He can't know Inuyasha is better off not knowing. It's bad enough that my world is upside down, it would be selfish of me to have left him so he can go on with his life, only to walk back in with news that change everything so drastically.

When I expressed my wish to keep this from Inuyasha to Kouga; he…disagreed with me. He said that it would be best for me and the new life that is forming within me to tell Inuyasha. That in the end, when all is said and done, Inuyasha has the right to know…the right to decide if he wants to be part of our lives, but unfortunately for Kouga, this isn't his decision. See I have been second best in Inuyasha's life for a long time, but that was my choice…I willing did that. But the thought of this precious being ending up in the same situation breaks my heart. So no, I will not tell him, call me selfish. Call me whatever you'd like, but I won't change my mind.

…

I can tell Kouga is trying to respect my wish, but I realize that it's hard for him. He is adamant in the belief that Inuyasha should know, he says that if he were in the same situation…he would have like to know if he was going to be a father.

But Kouga is not Inuyasha, they are so vastly different.

Kouga has been a little distant lately and well can you blame him? I know I can't, I'm surprised that he hasn't left. Wait, no I'm not… Kouga is too sweet, too caring, too everything to just leave me to my own devices, especially now.

He is even looking into getting a new job as an associate in a big company, Shikon Enterprises I think that's what it's called. And well as for me I have started working at a chocolate shop part time since my savings would have carried me through for a while, but I'm not going to work for the money. I need something to distract me.

…

Kouga said we should go out for dinner today but I don't feel like it so we ordered in. Our conversations are always so random; he is always trying to avoid the elephant in the room unless I bring it up. The last time we talked about it we ended up in a slight argument and I don't want to risk making, the only other human connection I have, upset with me.

We are eating in comfortable silence when he asks, "So if it's a boy, what are you thinking of naming him?"

I can't help the smile that comes to my face, "I've been thinking a lot about this, and I've decided if it's a boy I'm going to name him Akihiko."

I think he liked the idea because he too smiled, "I think it's very fitting." He started messing with his phone, and then puts it away. "and if it's a girl?"

"For a girl I was thinking, Aiko."

That brought an even bigger smile to his face, "That seems even more fitting some how."

"Kouga, I know you're worried...but I can do this. I can do this on my own."

"Kaggie, I know you can. It's just I don't...you know...let's not go into this, this is a good moment and I don't want to ruin this moment. Lets just agree to disagree, okay?" He gets a text messege, "Sorry I have to get this, give me one moment okay?"

**A/N: Okay so here is another chappie, and the meaning of the names...**

**Akihiko is "bright, shining prince".**

**AIKO meaning "child of love" girl name, little loved one**


End file.
